The most amazing support system...Hmm!

"We will be the most amazing support system you have ever had, we will be there for you to help you through whatever life throws at you, if you need us just call and we will be there"

How amazing is that? i was so happy when our support worker said this to us

"But we don't want things handed to us, just when we find ourselves backed up against a wall it would be nice to be able to have someone help to point us in the right direction...or when we are beating our heads against said wall, it would be great if we could have you use your powers to gives us that much needed nudge" I replied.

"Of course, that is no problem!"

That was back in April, she gave us a list of things to do, people to talk to etc...so off we toddle doing the things we need to do to make life easier for our 5 children, and ourselves.

The we come face to face with aforementioned brick wall...

Charlie is starting to lash out at school again, in the past week he has punched 3 of his class mates and his teacher, the school (bless their ikkle hearts) know that Charlie isn't a bad kid and they are trying to find a different solution to the one they should take; Expulsion from school, they understand that Charlie is under a lot of pressure at home, and that we are trying to get him seen by a Paediatrician to see if there was any lasting damage from the meningitis.

We are home schooling Alfie as no schools in our area have any spaces for him, as well as looking after the younger 2 babies (17 & 5 months) and dealing with a daughter full of hormones...My mental health issues have kicked off big style, I keep finding myself with my head stuck in the medicine cabinet eyeing up my Citalopram. My house is a mess, i swear there are new life forms growing in my kitchen and my laundry pile is bigger than my house and growing daily (might have to start dressing the kids in bed sheets) Even Jason is starting to feel the strain and for Jason to get to that point it must be bad.

So a month ago i called my Support worker up hoping that she could come round and help in some way, she had mentioned respite for Lily and Charlie so they can get away from the abuse Alfie dishes out. She mentioned sorting out daycare once a week for the younger 3 so Jas and I could finally do a food shop (it has been 2 years since i last did a food shop...My panic attacks stop me from going alone and Jason would buy nothing but cakes/crisps etc)...anyhoo i digress, so i called Kerry up and left a message asking her to contact us asap.

2 weeks pass and we hear nothing, so i call again "Oh she has just left the office can i take a message" so i leave the same message, 3 days pass...still nothing from her so Jason calls we get told the same thing yet again.

This happens a further 8 times at this point i have turned into a complete banshee, i am constantly shouting at the kids and all i want to do is cry...but noooooo! my stupid body decides no tears for you Missy, i have a constant lump in my throat, and i am on the verge of turning Hulk.

Once again i have babbled nonsense but honestly that is how it is in my head, i can't make head nor tail of anything at the mo, and i really do feel like i am going to have a complete nervous breakdown...again! The only thing that stops me from picking up my Citalopram and downing the whole packet in one is...

My Family...my gorgeous, exasperating family. God i love them!

We WILL get through this, and we WILL come out even stronger than ever before.

I always say "The journey we are on would be so boring if we all stuck to the motorway, take a B-Road, yea it's bumpy...but my god the experience is amazing"

Love and hugs to you all

Xx